Wednesday, July 09, 2003
“By the time you teach her ‘Rappuh’s Delite’, she gone fuhget ‘Juicy’. By the time you teach her ‘Juicy’, she gone fuget “Rappuh’s DeLITE’!” --- Babs (Making the Band 2)
Guess who’s back? Back again. Joey’s back. Tell a friend.
HI!!!
Totally my bad. Who do I think I am anyway? Someone with a real life? Never. Let’s immediately get down to business, since I don’t have an excuse big enough to make up for my lazy lack of posting.
Here are the things I need to discuss:
The present from Ahmad. Yeah. Well, Ahmad came to have lunch with me LAST WEDNESDAY (wow, been a long time) and brought my present with him. After lunch, we went down to the auditorium in my building so I could open up my gift in private. He wrote a beautiful card and the present was wrapped up all nice and shit. Now remember, the present was supposed to exemplify how well Ahmad knows me. I was nervous, excited, and totally curious. When I opened up the gift, guess what it was? No guess. No really…
Hell’s, you’d never be able to guess.
It was the Pasta Pro.
Do you know of the Pasta Pro? It’s the pasta pot with a built in colander. The second I saw it, I looked into his eager eyes and said “Oh wow! The Pasta Pro! My parents got me that for my birthday too!” Ahmad’s face fell and he said “Why didn’t you tell me that? I wanted my gift to you to be something that you really wanted.” I reply “No I DID really want it. And I love that you listen to me when I talk. I just didn’t think to tell you that my parents had already given it to me. I feel terrible. I’m sorry.” We hugged and I thanked him over and over. Then I said goodbye to him and offered to give one of my Pasta Pro’s to Ari. I was a bit disappointed in the gift, but I really shouldn’t have been. How dare I? Ahmad has known me for a month and he really went out of his way for me, what with making me dinner and baking me a cake and all that jazz. But, I thought maybe he'd get me a new car or something. Ah well…will have to work on my gold-digging skillz.
Now…Paul on the other hand….
I showed up at his apartment at 5:30pm last Wednesday. I was told to get there as soon as I could. When I walked in the door, Paul was standing in the bathroom door, butt-naked, shaving his face. I looked at his cock and said “Is that a drip of CUM on your cock?”
Paul quickly looked down and goes “Oops. Yes.”
“What is WRONG with you? It’s my birthday and you’ve already made sure to masturbate so there is no chance of us hooking up tonight. How could you start the night like this?”
“I’m sorry Joe, I was horny.”
“Wipe up your dick and let’s do whatever it is you have planned.”
When Paul got out of the bathroom, he told me that we would watch The Simpsons until 8pm, cuz that is when we had our reservations for dinner.
“Wait. Do you mean to tell me that we are going to smoke a bowl and go to dinner for my birthday?”
“Yes Joe. Is that not good enough?”
“Honestly Paul, it’s not. That’s what we do EVERY night. I thought that maybe you would plan something fun for us to do.”
“Dinner is fun and you are being selfish and greedy.”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? It’s my birthday! How could I even BE selfish and greedy?”
“Just stop it. Let’s watch TV and get ready for dinner.”
10 minutes later I started to cry.
“WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!?!”
“Because I decided to spend my birthday evening with just you and you haven’t planned shit for us. In fact, I am SURE you waited until this afternoon to plan dinner. I should be seeing my friends, who I know would take me out and plan something fun. But it is so TYPICAL of you to forget about the entire thing and to quickly throw something together. I’m going home.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
(Tears flowing out of my face) “You are the WORST boyfriend on the planet. I will never forget this day.”
“FUCK YOU JOE! We are going to a show at 8pm, but you had to go and ruin it!”
silence.
“huh?”
“We are going to a show and if you could just wait an hour without freaking out…”
silence.
“oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well now I feel like such an asshole! Why do you have to hurt my feelings in order to surprise me?”
After that we started the night over. We had some wine and got ready to go see De La Guarda.
The show was fucking mind-blowing. I shouldn't explain to you what it was about, but if you EVER have the chance to go see it, you would be FOOLISH to miss it. Definitely the best and most surprising thing I have seen in years. After dinner, Paul took me to “Brasserie” on 52nd street. It was by FAR the nicest and most expensive dinner I have ever had the pleasure of taking part in. We had numerous appetizers, bottles of champagne, and I got the swordfish for dinner. The price of dinner came to $255. UM. He even stopped and bought me dessert on the way home. It was an absolutely wonderful evening and Paul secured his spot in my heart once again. It wasn’t about the money, but rather the fact that he actually planned something, wrote me a nice card, and made sure that I was happy all night long. We laughed and laughed and laughed until we went to bed, happy as gay bugs in a gay bed.
The birthday party I had planned went off pretty smoothly, but to be honest, was my least favorite part of the weekend. The highlight of our night out was that Kelly got a bodybuilder to pick me up and give me a hug. Mmmmmm…that was the hottest. Also, Mariah and Joanna gave me wonderful gifts and everyone treated me really well. It just wasn’t the night I had originally envisioned.
The 4th of July was amazing! We drank beers and margaritas all day and smoked tons of the pot. We hung out on Mariah’s rooftop in Brooklyn and got ourselves a sweet tan. We were also able to watch the fireworks up there. The whole day and night was excellent. There are more details, but why bore you with them? You only care about dicks and vagina.
And that’s that! I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do. They made the whole weekend special and fun. At no point did I want to be anywhere else. I loved my birthday, although anti-climactic at the party.
In other news, I got a letter from my other prisoner pen-pal. He wrote me the nicest letter and I have now decided that the only friends I want to have in my life are people with jail terms. They have nice bodies, are confident and strong, and will take care of me always. There’s just that little detail of them wanting to slice off my face, but whatever. I’ll risk it. I already wrote Carlos back. I hope we fall in love some day.
I haven’t talked to Ahmad since my birthday. As each day goes by, I start feeling even guiltier than I felt the day before. I am convinced that he hates me now. I plan on calling him this afternoon to touch base, but I think he is going to spit on the receiver and put it near his ass so he can fart on me. Why wouldn’t he? I took the present he had for me and never called again. It’s just that Paul and I are doing really well now and I’d like to give our relationship another chance. I told Paul that I would make a decision about Ahmad before the Bahamas trip. He says that I should make my decision now. Although I know that Ahmad and I need to call it off, I am not so sure I want to call off every possibility I have of meeting someone else. I’m doing my best to just “play it by ear” and to “take it day by day”, but that shit is boring and nothing ever gets solved that way. Secretly I must love the drama.
Oh please, openly I must love the drama.
Ok…I think that’s it! I hope this entry will serve as my penance. Work has been a nightmare lately, so I haven’t had the chance to catch up with all of you. But I will make SURE to find time to do so in the next couple of days. I can PROMISE you that. And I can also promise you that I will not eat pizza. Mariah’s birthday card to me had a picture of she and I on the front and I had a HEART ATTACK when I realized how humungous I have gotten over the last couple of months. It used to be funny before. Not it’s just plain sick. This is the size of my belly. AYUK AYUK.
Peace be with you my friends and lesbians.
Guess who’s back? Back again. Joey’s back. Tell a friend.
HI!!!
Totally my bad. Who do I think I am anyway? Someone with a real life? Never. Let’s immediately get down to business, since I don’t have an excuse big enough to make up for my lazy lack of posting.
Here are the things I need to discuss:
The present from Ahmad. Yeah. Well, Ahmad came to have lunch with me LAST WEDNESDAY (wow, been a long time) and brought my present with him. After lunch, we went down to the auditorium in my building so I could open up my gift in private. He wrote a beautiful card and the present was wrapped up all nice and shit. Now remember, the present was supposed to exemplify how well Ahmad knows me. I was nervous, excited, and totally curious. When I opened up the gift, guess what it was? No guess. No really…
Hell’s, you’d never be able to guess.
It was the Pasta Pro.
Do you know of the Pasta Pro? It’s the pasta pot with a built in colander. The second I saw it, I looked into his eager eyes and said “Oh wow! The Pasta Pro! My parents got me that for my birthday too!” Ahmad’s face fell and he said “Why didn’t you tell me that? I wanted my gift to you to be something that you really wanted.” I reply “No I DID really want it. And I love that you listen to me when I talk. I just didn’t think to tell you that my parents had already given it to me. I feel terrible. I’m sorry.” We hugged and I thanked him over and over. Then I said goodbye to him and offered to give one of my Pasta Pro’s to Ari. I was a bit disappointed in the gift, but I really shouldn’t have been. How dare I? Ahmad has known me for a month and he really went out of his way for me, what with making me dinner and baking me a cake and all that jazz. But, I thought maybe he'd get me a new car or something. Ah well…will have to work on my gold-digging skillz.
Now…Paul on the other hand….
I showed up at his apartment at 5:30pm last Wednesday. I was told to get there as soon as I could. When I walked in the door, Paul was standing in the bathroom door, butt-naked, shaving his face. I looked at his cock and said “Is that a drip of CUM on your cock?”
Paul quickly looked down and goes “Oops. Yes.”
“What is WRONG with you? It’s my birthday and you’ve already made sure to masturbate so there is no chance of us hooking up tonight. How could you start the night like this?”
“I’m sorry Joe, I was horny.”
“Wipe up your dick and let’s do whatever it is you have planned.”
When Paul got out of the bathroom, he told me that we would watch The Simpsons until 8pm, cuz that is when we had our reservations for dinner.
“Wait. Do you mean to tell me that we are going to smoke a bowl and go to dinner for my birthday?”
“Yes Joe. Is that not good enough?”
“Honestly Paul, it’s not. That’s what we do EVERY night. I thought that maybe you would plan something fun for us to do.”
“Dinner is fun and you are being selfish and greedy.”
“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? It’s my birthday! How could I even BE selfish and greedy?”
“Just stop it. Let’s watch TV and get ready for dinner.”
10 minutes later I started to cry.
“WHY ARE YOU CRYING?!?!?!”
“Because I decided to spend my birthday evening with just you and you haven’t planned shit for us. In fact, I am SURE you waited until this afternoon to plan dinner. I should be seeing my friends, who I know would take me out and plan something fun. But it is so TYPICAL of you to forget about the entire thing and to quickly throw something together. I’m going home.”
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
(Tears flowing out of my face) “You are the WORST boyfriend on the planet. I will never forget this day.”
“FUCK YOU JOE! We are going to a show at 8pm, but you had to go and ruin it!”
silence.
“huh?”
“We are going to a show and if you could just wait an hour without freaking out…”
silence.
“oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Well now I feel like such an asshole! Why do you have to hurt my feelings in order to surprise me?”
After that we started the night over. We had some wine and got ready to go see De La Guarda.
The show was fucking mind-blowing. I shouldn't explain to you what it was about, but if you EVER have the chance to go see it, you would be FOOLISH to miss it. Definitely the best and most surprising thing I have seen in years. After dinner, Paul took me to “Brasserie” on 52nd street. It was by FAR the nicest and most expensive dinner I have ever had the pleasure of taking part in. We had numerous appetizers, bottles of champagne, and I got the swordfish for dinner. The price of dinner came to $255. UM. He even stopped and bought me dessert on the way home. It was an absolutely wonderful evening and Paul secured his spot in my heart once again. It wasn’t about the money, but rather the fact that he actually planned something, wrote me a nice card, and made sure that I was happy all night long. We laughed and laughed and laughed until we went to bed, happy as gay bugs in a gay bed.
The birthday party I had planned went off pretty smoothly, but to be honest, was my least favorite part of the weekend. The highlight of our night out was that Kelly got a bodybuilder to pick me up and give me a hug. Mmmmmm…that was the hottest. Also, Mariah and Joanna gave me wonderful gifts and everyone treated me really well. It just wasn’t the night I had originally envisioned.
The 4th of July was amazing! We drank beers and margaritas all day and smoked tons of the pot. We hung out on Mariah’s rooftop in Brooklyn and got ourselves a sweet tan. We were also able to watch the fireworks up there. The whole day and night was excellent. There are more details, but why bore you with them? You only care about dicks and vagina.
And that’s that! I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do. They made the whole weekend special and fun. At no point did I want to be anywhere else. I loved my birthday, although anti-climactic at the party.
In other news, I got a letter from my other prisoner pen-pal. He wrote me the nicest letter and I have now decided that the only friends I want to have in my life are people with jail terms. They have nice bodies, are confident and strong, and will take care of me always. There’s just that little detail of them wanting to slice off my face, but whatever. I’ll risk it. I already wrote Carlos back. I hope we fall in love some day.
I haven’t talked to Ahmad since my birthday. As each day goes by, I start feeling even guiltier than I felt the day before. I am convinced that he hates me now. I plan on calling him this afternoon to touch base, but I think he is going to spit on the receiver and put it near his ass so he can fart on me. Why wouldn’t he? I took the present he had for me and never called again. It’s just that Paul and I are doing really well now and I’d like to give our relationship another chance. I told Paul that I would make a decision about Ahmad before the Bahamas trip. He says that I should make my decision now. Although I know that Ahmad and I need to call it off, I am not so sure I want to call off every possibility I have of meeting someone else. I’m doing my best to just “play it by ear” and to “take it day by day”, but that shit is boring and nothing ever gets solved that way. Secretly I must love the drama.
Oh please, openly I must love the drama.
Ok…I think that’s it! I hope this entry will serve as my penance. Work has been a nightmare lately, so I haven’t had the chance to catch up with all of you. But I will make SURE to find time to do so in the next couple of days. I can PROMISE you that. And I can also promise you that I will not eat pizza. Mariah’s birthday card to me had a picture of she and I on the front and I had a HEART ATTACK when I realized how humungous I have gotten over the last couple of months. It used to be funny before. Not it’s just plain sick. This is the size of my belly. AYUK AYUK.
Peace be with you my friends and lesbians.
